This Week as a Counsellor: The Safety of Resistance

Working with a client’s emotional pain almost always results in resistance coming up. It is possible for people to take a dim view of their own resistance, possibly feeling ashamed that they keep avoiding the issue. In a broader sense this may be familiar to people who are putting off going to a counsellor, the fear of exposing one’s most vulnerable parts, not only to a stranger, but also to oneself.

Dr. Richard Schwartz, creator of Internal Family Systems, talks about this in terms of the different parts that make up the whole. Some of these parts are assigned protective roles, helping us to successfully navigate life without having to feel the pain of our unfinished business. He has written a book called No Bad Parts, and I think that this sentiment is so wonderful when it comes alive in the therapy room.

Taking a client’s attitude that their resistance is weakness, and reframing it as a process that has kept them safe, often for decades, can be so transformative. We do not need to push through resistance, we need to be with it in order to see it clearly. We need to hear the voice of that part that has been diligently protecting us, and to explore its hopes and fears. By doing this we are able to foster a sense of safety in the work, avoiding being rough-handed with these most sensitive of parts.

Working in a Person Centred way seems to naturally include this way of addressing resistance. Once resistance has been identified and named it can be explored, fleshing out the details of what is happening, and keeping a finger of the pulse of the client’s emotional reactions, rather than trying to push past it. Unconditional positive regard is a key component of the Person Centred Approach, and within this attitude is the same sentiment as “no bad parts”.

As I write this it is in the spirit of being gentle with oneself and others. I suppose that is what this exploration has come down to for me. It’s not particularly easy in my experience, but it does feel good.

If you want to read more stuff like this then please check out my other blog posts, and check out the rest of my website willfarmercounselling.co.uk especially if you are in the Exeter area and interested in finding a counsellor. I also work online.

All the best. Will.